Why I’m letting go of perfectionism……
Why Asking for Help is a Strength—Not a Weakness
Perfectionism is one of those traits people are usually a little bit proud of. If you’re asked in an interview what your weakness is, a lot of people say perfectionism, because it can be seen as a positive in a work environment. Everyone wants workers who care about their work and its quality, right?
I would have agreed in the past. As a typical type A person, I’ve spent many hours caring too, too much about work, my output, and my achievements…
These days? I think perfectionism is a trait to be avoided—one I’m constantly working on combatting.
Despite changing so much about my lifestyle, and turning my back on many of the perfectionist behaviours I used to embody (particularly in my career), I still catch myself pushing. Even during activities meant to bring joy or rest, my brain is scanning for results.
What have I gained from this? What am I moving towards? What’s the next goal?
The Struggle Behind the Scenes
Over the last few months, this mindset has caught up with me. I’ve been trying to grow my coaching business while also working in another mentoring role and building towards long-term goals. It’s hard. It takes time, energy, and it’s frustrating when I feel like I’m falling short.
I don’t have the time I want to dedicate to my coaching, marketing, or social media—and I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough. Honestly, I’m fiddling in the dark when it comes to self-promotion. It’s new territory! And as any introvert will tell you, when they say coaching is 80% marketing and only 20% actual coaching, it can be daunting.
To add another layer, I live with nervous system dysregulation. That means I don’t have the energy of a ‘normal’ person. My body doesn’t want to push. And yet, my mind still tries.
A Turning Point
It came to a point where I had to do something. This past week, I reached out to a health coach—Chris Jamieson of @healingwithrocdoc38 in Australia—who specialises in working with Type A’s like me who are recovering from chronic fatigue and nervous system issues.
It had been a while since we last spoke. Life looks very different now compared to a few years ago when I was a full-time, fast-paced Trading Standards Officer. Back then, I first came across Chris while grappling with burnout. Now, again, I’ve found myself needing support.
Our first session was focused on exactly what I’ve been struggling with: frustration, self-criticism, and physical symptoms like headfog.
Chris’s feedback was what I already know—but, like so many of us, I needed to hear it again. And ironically, it’s what I often advise my mentees and coaching clients:
Leave work thoughts behind when the day is done.
Don’t constantly focus on the future or pressure yourself to succeed.
Make space for joyful, nourishing activities—be present in the moment.
Let go of the old overachieving self, more and more, every day.
The Power of Asking for Help
It’s been difficult to ask for help. But I’m so glad I did.
Because Chris has been there. He’s walked this road, and he’s worked through it. That gives me confidence. It’s not just his knowledge, but the shared experience, the empathy, and the companionship that’s already making a difference.
We often think of coaching as performance-driven. But sometimes, the most valuable thing a coach offers is space. To be seen. To be held. To be challenged—gently or directly—when you need it. Coaches can be sounding boards, guides, even mirrors when you're too deep in the weeds to see clearly.
And as a coach myself, I know the value of coaching. I also know that even coaches need help. We all do.
I’m reminded that asking for help is not weakness. It’s sensible, courageous, honest and strong, let alone damn right smart to know we don’t have to do it alone! I know I’m an incredibly strong person because of what I’ve been through, and what I still contend with on the day to day, but I have learned that hyper independence is an act of self-sabotage, and lack of self-compassion. Today I’m proud of asking.
Why Asking for Help Is Resilience in Action
Many people associate asking for help with weakness, but research tells a different story. A 2017 study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that individuals who are willing to ask for help are more likely to recover from stress, burnout, and emotional exhaustion than those who isolate or attempt to push through alone.
Psychologist and researcher Dr. Brené Brown often speaks about vulnerability being a cornerstone of courage—not a weakness. Admitting that we need support and choosing to lean on someone else is an act of resilience. It shows self-awareness, humility, and strength.
In fact, Harvard Business Review has reported that high-performing leaders often score higher in seeking feedback and asking for support. It’s not a sign of failure—it’s a strategy for growth.
So... where does perfectionism actually come from?
In coaching, we don’t just look at perfectionism as a personality quirk or something to “fix.” It usually comes from somewhere deeper — and it’s often a way we’ve learned to protect ourselves. Here are some of the common roots I see (in myself, and in the people I work with):
The way we were raised
A lot of perfectionism starts in childhood. Maybe you were praised when you got things right, or told off when you didn’t. Maybe love and approval felt linked to being “good,” performing well, or keeping others happy. Over time, your brain wires this idea that being perfect = being safe, loved, accepted. That belief doesn’t just disappear when we grow up—it often carries right into our adult lives and work.A protective part of us
Sometimes, perfectionism is a part of us that stepped in to keep us safe. In coaching, we sometimes work with these “parts” of the self. The perfectionist part might be trying to prevent you from feeling shame or failure or rejection. It means well—but it can be exhausting. When we learn to listen to this part with curiosity and kindness (instead of fighting it), we can find out what it really needs. Often, that’s reassurance, rest, or just knowing we’re already enough.A stressed-out nervous system
When we’ve been under pressure for a long time—whether from work, trauma, burnout, or just being “on” all the time—our bodies can get stuck in fight-or-flight mode. That go-go-go energy feels like drive, but underneath it can be anxiety or fear. It’s no wonder we feel the urge to keep doing, pushing, proving. In coaching, we often work on helping the nervous system calm down first—because it’s hard to feel enough when your body’s constantly bracing for the next thing.Trying to avoid vulnerability
Perfectionism is often a shield. If I do everything right, if I look like I have it all together—then I won’t be judged, or criticised, or let anyone down. Sound familiar? The problem is, it also stops us from being truly seen. We miss out on connection, growth, and real moments of joy. In coaching, we gently explore those fears—and learn that being human (and a bit messy) is actually the key to connection, not something to hide.The world we live in
Let’s be honest—society doesn’t exactly make this easy. Hustle culture, social media, toxic productivity… it’s everywhere. We’re surrounded by messages that tell us we should be doing more, looking better, achieving faster. No wonder so many of us feel like we’re falling behind. Coaching helps untangle what you actually want, what success really means to you, and how to come back to your own pace and values.
In summary:
Perfectionism usually starts early—when we link love, praise or safety to doing things "right."
It often becomes a protective part of us, trying to prevent failure, shame or rejection.
Our nervous systems play a big role—especially when we’ve been stuck in stress or overdrive for a long time.
It’s often about avoiding vulnerability, because being perfect feels safer than being seen as flawed.
Society adds fuel to the fire, constantly pushing the idea that we need to hustle, prove, and achieve to be worthy.
Coaching helps you understand where these patterns come from, how to soften them, and how to create a life where you don’t have to earn your worth—because it’s already there.