Self-Love for Men Who Don’t Do Self-Love
Let’s be honest: most guys hear the words 'self-love' and either cringe, switch off, or assume it’s not for them.
It sounds a bit fluffy. A bit too 'light a candle and write in a journal.' Not exactly what we were raised to value.
But here’s what I’ve learned—both personally and through working with clients: self-love isn’t soft. It’s not about ignoring hard truths or pretending everything is fine. It’s about knowing your worth and treating yourself like you actually matter.
It’s about unlearning the habit of constantly beating yourself up, pushing through pain, and disconnecting from what you really need. Because here’s the truth—self-love is the foundation for everything else: your work, your relationships, your confidence, your focus.
And most of us were never taught how to do it.
We Were Born With It
We come into the world with full connection. As babies, we know what we need and we ask for it. We cry when something feels off. We eat when we’re hungry. We rest when we’re tired. We move because it feels good.
We trust ourselves. We play without shame. We live fully in the moment. And we don’t care what anyone thinks of our dance moves.
But then life happens. We start getting messages—be good, sit still, don’t cry, stop being weird. We start shrinking parts of ourselves to fit in, to be accepted, to stay safe.
And bit by bit, we disconnect. We learn to override our instincts, to doubt ourselves, to criticise instead of encourage. We become adults who perform instead of live.
So if self-love feels like something you missed out on—it’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to come back to it.
So What Is Self-Love Really?
It’s not self-indulgence. It’s not vanity. And it’s not weakness.
It’s the quiet commitment to stop treating yourself like crap. It’s learning to show yourself the same patience and respect you show others. It’s making decisions that serve you, not sabotage you.
It’s also incredibly practical.
Here are 9 ways to start reconnecting with yourself—and yes, learning to love yourself in a way that feels grounded, not fluffy.
1. Appreciate How Special You Are
You’re not just another person. There’s literally no one else like you.
You’ve already beaten the odds just by existing. All those millions of other sperm? You were the one who made it.
So stop acting like you don’t matter. Your thoughts, your instincts, your perspective—they’re valid. They count.
2. The Way You Talk To Yourself Matters
The voice in your head is powerful—and for a lot of us, it’s brutal.
We say things to ourselves we’d never say to someone we care about. That voice shapes your confidence, your mood, your entire day.
Time to change the script. And yes, that means affirmations. Not the cheesy kind. The real, repeated kind.
Start with these:
- I’m learning to trust myself.
- I’m already enough.
- I’ve got this.
- I can handle anything that comes my way.
- I love who I am.
Say them when you’re driving, walking, brushing your teeth. Stick them on your mirror. Rewire the voice. It matters.
3. Remember What Brings You Joy
Not what makes you money. Or looks impressive on LinkedIn. What brings you actual joy.
For me? Skateboarding. Surfing. Bike riding.
Things that get me out of my head and back into my body. That make me feel like *me*. Do more of that.
4. Change the Script in Real Time
This morning I spilled my coffee and called myself a clumsy idiot. Old script. Familiar tone.
But then I caught it and said, “That’s okay. I’ve learnt something. Maybe don’t balance a full mug on your laptop.”
It seems small—but those rewrites add up. They’re micro-moments of self-respect.
Try this:
- 'I always mess this up' → 'I’m figuring it out.'
- 'I’m so behind' → 'I’m moving at my own pace.'
That’s self-love in action.
5. You’re Not a Joke—Stop Acting Like One
British humour loves a bit of self-deprecation. And sure, it can be funny—*occasionally*.
But if you’re constantly making yourself the punchline, that sticks. Your brain starts to believe you’re a loser, even when you’re joking.
There’s a difference between laughing with yourself and constantly putting yourself down.
Respect your own effort. Back yourself. You’re allowed to do that.
6. Let the Love In
Don’t just give support—learn to receive it.
When someone compliments you, don’t deflect it. When someone offers to help, say yes. Let people love you without feeling like you’ve got to earn it.
And extend that same kindness to your body.
Dress it in clothes that feel good. Feed it. Hydrate it. Move it. Stretch it. Pay attention to it.
When your body feels good, your whole mindset shifts.
7. Run Your Own Race
Comparison is a killer. It distracts you from your values, your vision, your life.
There will always be someone doing more, earning more, posting more. So what?
Imagine if The Rolling Stones had tried to be The Beatles. We’d have lost their edge.
Stick to your lane. Your story matters.
8. Forgive Yourself
This is a big one. And most men avoid it.
But holding onto shame, regret, or self-judgement doesn’t make you stronger. It keeps you stuck.
Here’s a quick practice:
- Think of something you did that you still feel bad about.
- Picture yourself back then—less experienced, doing your best.
- Say: “I forgive you. You were trying. You don’t need to carry this anymore.”
Simple. Powerful. Try it.
9. Love Yourself, Fully
Not just when you’re performing well. Not just when you’re productive.
Love yourself when you’re tired, stressed, unsure. That’s where it matters most.
Because self-love isn’t something you earn. It’s something you practise. And the more you do, the easier it gets.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to be into meditation or therapy to start reconnecting with yourself.
You just have to stop abandoning yourself.
Catch the voice. Break the pattern. Choose respect over ridicule.
This isn’t soft. It’s strength. It’s ownership. And if more men practised it, we’d all be better for it.